As a former Intern Supervisor at TWP, the news of this media org ending its intern program is just horrific. A media org w/o interns would be like a reputable restaurant w/o dishwashers! Someone’s gotta do the dirty work!!!! Gosh, this seems like such a rash decision on the part of Condé Nast… How could they not want to contribute to the future successes of upcoming journos? Just sad.
When life smacks you to your knees,
Will you be brave enough to stand again?
When every door slams in your face,
Will you have the courage to knock again?
When self-doubt clouds your vision,
Will you train your third eye to see beyond?
When the world leaves you blowing in the wind,
Hell bent on destroying your wild ways,
Will you be brave enough to say…
And I have mixed emotions about that. So many people want to play dead just because they can’t handle my energy….
Do you know how hard it is to stay positive when you’re drowning in a buncha bullshit? Yeah, it’s been a minute since I actually wrote anything here, preferring a host of images and sounds to curate my inner struggle. As of lately, I’m finding myself in a weird space. I’m not sure if it’s the pending Syria shit, the routine of my days, or this disconnect between my dreams and my reality. I know the eyeballs that may rest themselves on these words I type will most likely belong to people who don’t really know me, but still, can I rap to y’all for a second? Can I tell you how much I’ve been ‘ripping and running’ for the past three years? Can I tell you how bad I wanna find a deserted island and just go ‘bat-shit-Tom-Hanks-from-Cast-Away’ crazy on it? I find there’s a sense of inner peace in that kind of freedom or should I say, disconnect.
But yeah, I guess I could tell you any and everything about what’s been going on with me but would you really give a fuck? Wait. Never mind. Don’t answer that. Because this really isn’t about you, the reader. It’s about me, the writer, and my insatiable need for change. Yeah, I’m looking for it. Diving in, around, over and under drama to get through to it. I know where I’m supposed to be, it’s the ‘getting there’ that’s got me screaming like one of them Ice Cube kids:
Any aspiring writer/poet, who has stained a page, would jump at the opportunity to meet E. Ethelbert Miller, a legendary poet who has been the architect of many careers. So why was I walking up to his home thinking, WHY AM I HERE? Poetry is for fun - shits and giggles - I can’t be serious, this isn’t a real job, and nobody wants to hear what I have to say! Yet as we entered through the foyer of his home, I held tight to my dreams and my non-existent breakfast.
Alright, enough already with them damn jingling bells, it’s time to celebrate a NEW YEAR! If you’re reading this, then you’ve been blessed to welcome another opportunity to ‘get write’ and make your dreams come true. Be it winning the lottery, finishing college, or finally smacking that bitch that stole your swag! Whatever your desires, now is the time to TOAST IT UP! For me, 2012 was an absolutely AMAZING year. The good Lord saw fit to provide a cornucopia of opportunities for myself and my family. From the biggest of the blessings to the very small, we are STILL singing his praises. So what was all the praise dancing about in 2012? Well, here’s the highlights (in no particular order):
I often feel like this and although I know it’s wrong, my brain is still hard-wired with this deep seeded thought. In some ways I think, no I KNOW this has impacted my ability to finish various writing projects that I’ve started.
I know I signed up for this. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to be stretched to my limits when it comes to my ability to affect change in an organization. Yet, having to complete graduate homework during this wondrous season known as Summer is EXTREMELY PAINFUL.
I’m trying so very hard to stay focused on SWOT analysis charts and various case studies, but my heart wants to write C-R-E-A-T-I-V-E-L-Y. I have so many unfinished songs and stories on the table with words left dangling. My soul is frustrated!! The light around me is disappearing into a nighttime of despair, and I want O-U-T! Away from the textbooks, notes, papers, and grades! I seek some solace in being able to zone out to tunes on Rhapsody, but having to keep churning out document after document regarding the strategic communication needs of some fictitious company I could give two flipping birds about is, well, depressing. Where’s the sunshine? And warm sandy beaches? And my frozen pina colada with the little umbrella dammit!? I keep reminding myself that I only have to make it two more semesters then I can hit Los Angeles and walk across that stage. But right now, in this very moment, I really don’t wanna do this shit.
Not. At. All.
I am not afraid of making mistakes. In fact, I’ve made plenty of those in my 33 years on this earth. Nope, my biggest fear is losing my ambition and becoming comfortable with my current situation. To put it more bluntly - I don’t wanna be a lazy ass. If I let others tell my story, some would say I’ve already reached the finish line. I’m happily married, two beautiful sons, gorgeous house with the two cars and let’s not forget about the dog too. Hell, all that is missing is the white picket fence! Yet, for me - I’m still not there. Now don’t get me wrong. I am definitely blessed and 100% grateful for each thing the good Lord has given me. Every. Single. Thing.
I know there is more. I know HE has more. More to give me. More to show me. More ways to use me. I just can’t get tired. I can’t allow the trappings to keep me from being focused on HIS plan.
Now I can’t make any assumptions for what you are going through right now in your own plan, but if you’ve come this far in reading this then I have a small little message for you….
Starting the new year off right because GOD KNOWS I didn’t do 2011 right with regards to keeping a daily writing schedule. Nevertheless I’m dusting off my manuscript and I’m goin’ in. I’d like to encourage any fellow writers to check out this great writing plan that I found on WRITEBK’s blog: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! 12-Day Plan of Simple Writing Exercises.
I’m not even mad with 2011, but I sure can’t wait for her to let 2012 breath life back into my dreams. I’m so ready for the New Year. A fresh start. A new opportunity to do some justice to this thing called life. One thing though - there will be absolutely NO resolutions. I’m not falling into that bullshit trap. No longer will I hang my hat on that. Either I’m gonna do what I said I’m gonna do or I’m not. Each day of 2012 will be first loved & cuddled like a fresh present on Christmas Day… Then I’m gonna buss that joka open like a frantic stripper working for their last tip of the night.
God does NOT like ugly. He proves this to me time and time again with various situations that I encounter. Like tonight. I was complaining something FIERCE about the woman next to me. Every time I moved, she moved. Every time she coughed, I wanted to jump outta the exit door on this plane. Fo’real, I HATE coughing folks on planes. Hell, they should be banned! But then that magically moment happened - the service cart was coming. As I’m plotting my next move on how I can find another seat (before I slap ‘ole girl), she turns to me and says those magical words - ” You want a free drink?” I turned to her all annoyed and said NO! But then I stepped outta myself and thought. Maybe I need to dial it back and think about this. I tapped her shoulder and asked “You mean, like an alcoholic beverage?” She said, “Oh yea, fo’sure.”
Come again. I mean, say what? A free drink? Word? Well, yes, yes, I will. Like why didn’t you ask me sooner? SHIT! Now had I continued with my plot to throw mama from the plane, I wouldve missed out on the rum and coke of ALL rum and cokes.
Did I mention that God doesn’t like ugly? *sips on drink* Life is good!
Right now I’m floating 33,000ft above with my thoughts dangling towards the ground. What has become of my 2011? This year started off with one opportunity in Atlanta and now December has me flying towards another. Providence, RI to be exact. Started a new job a few weeks back and thus far, I think I’m adjusting well. As best as I can, I guess. One thing that’s still taking some time to get used to is the weather. It’s cold AF in RI and Lord knows I’m a sista that craves HOT weather. Still I’m getting the hang of things. Never thought I’d be put in a position where I would have to travel every week for work, but when it comes time to make them ends meet, guess what? You gotta do what you gotta do to come one step closer to your true destiny….
Lord, I just wanted to take a minute once again to thank you for your lessons. I know the road is long and my hard head is quite thick, but I’m aware that now is not the time to think small. Now is not the time to give up and hide in that corner of my mind reserved for fear. I must continue to walk confidently towards my ordained future. The path’s a bit hidden and unknown amongst these unfamiliar surroundings, but I got my armor on. I’m with great company too. Those mighty angels that came before me are just up yonder, lighting the way. With you and them by my side, I have everything I need to get out of this. We got this. And when I come out of this forest of The Unknowns, I know what waits for me. A seat at the table reserved for the Faithful. Thank you Jesus.